Steve Madgwick finds his arch-nemesis in the humble hotel buffet breakfast.
It calls itself a toaster, but it lies. They call it a toaster, but they lie.
The ‘conveyor toaster’ is strategically positioned directly next to displays of nervous bread on many a hotel buffet breakfast arrangement around the globe. But the bread need not fret, the shiny two-level metallic box, glowing furnace-like from within, will not harm it, at least initially.
Because while this contraption is certainly a conveyor, it’s a stretch to call it a toaster. In fact, this is the most useless appliance that has ever graced a hotel restaurant, or perhaps even the entire hotel, probably brought to you by the same person who decided that the light switch next to your hotel bed should operate the bathroom light instead of the overhead reading lamp (see The great hotel light switch mystery).
To the uninitiated, the theory of the mass-toasting system seems logical and even practical. Place your fresh bread on the metal track, then browse other sections of the buffet while your slice of multi-grain is meticulously dragged under the toasting elements, upper and lower. And, hey presto, evenly and thoroughly browned toast to your whim.
In practice, however, the conveyor toaster is simply a merry-go-round for bread.
On the first ‘circuit’, nine times out of ten, your slice pops out into the finishing tray with not so much as a trace of a tan. It is as if it had been pre-warned and applied factor 15 and slapped on a Panama hat before jumping in.
The conveyor toaster: friend or foe?
A second circuit may see a barely discernible crust form, but a third circuit will inevitably see your bread violently cremated on one side whilst remaining basically virginal on the other.
The conveyor toaster is a vindictive animal too, punishing you for an indirect feed with a sharpish singe to the knuckle or welt on the wrist.
It also thrives on the tension it creates between two or more simultaneous breakfasters during peak times – just whose piece is this coming out now, we wonder simultaneously? It must be mine! Perhaps brekky-quette (breakfast etiquette) should demand that we have to paint our initials onto our piece of pumpernickel in butter before it enters the den.
At least the conveyor toaster is egalitarian: the high-end models adorning five-star buffets little more effective than those you’ll find at your average motor inn, despite sharper clothes and a more European-esque brand name.
The fundamental point that the makers and purveyors of conveyor toasters miss altogether, however, is that some things simply cannot and should not be mass produced.
Toasting is an intensely personal, nuanced morning ritual. So please bring back the two-slot pop-up, even if it means we have to wait those few seconds more.
From the moment you arrive in Moreton Bay, stunning natural vistas, fresh and tasty dining, history and more invite you to stay and play.
Untouched national park, mirror-like lagoons and endless stretches of beaches all make Moreton Bay experiences feel like you’ve stumbled across a secret Queenslanders collectively vowed not to tell. Yet it’s easily accessible. Explore further and discover hinterland farms, ancient rainforest, fresh seafood and more: there’s something on offer for every pace, interest and generation.
Just 20 minutes from Brisbane Airport, it’s hard to believe how underrated this Queensland getaway is. Here’s your ultimate guide to rediscover play with unmissable experiences in Moreton Bay.
1. G’Day Adventure Tours, Bribie Island
Explore Bribie Island with G’Day Adventure Tours.
G’Day Adventure Tours’ Sea to Table Experience should be your first agenda item in Moreton Bay. Take a 4WD journey through the sandy tracks of Bribie Island’s beaches to the still, glassy waters of the island’s lagoons. Glide over perfect replicas of paperbarks and fluffy blue clouds mirrored in the lagoon waters in your kayak. Listen as native birdsong echoes around you.
Then, it’s on to Fort Bribie. During the Second World War, these concrete bunkers – now slowly being enveloped by the dunes – were the last line of defence for Moreton Bay.
End the day with a sun-dappled beach picnic of locally caught Queensland prawns and famous Moreton Bay bugs. As you head home, watch the dolphins playfully dart in and out of the surf.
2. Morgan’s Seafood at Scarborough
It doesn’t get fresher than Morgan’s Seafood. (Image: Ezra Patchett)
Right on the Scarborough Boat Harbour, you’ll find Morgan’s Seafood . Between the luxury yachts, you’ll also spot trawlers and fishermen delivering their day’s catch right to Morgan’s. The family-owned and operated spot is one of the best places to try the region’s eponymous Moreton Bay bug. Or, sample more of the area’s direct-from-the-boat seafood fresh at their oyster and sushi bar. If you’re lucky, your visit might coincide with a day they’ve caught tuna.
Picture fish caught that day, prepared and then served to you as fresh sashimi as the sun sets over the unique silhouette of the Glasshouse Mountains.
3. Woorim Beach, Bribie Island
Hang 10, or relax, on Woorim Beach.
On Bribie’s eastern coastline, you’ll find Woorim Beach : aka the closest surf beach to Brisbane. Find a place on the sand by the patrolled area or wander further south to find a quiet spot and while the day away between the shaded dunes, the pages of your book and the peaceful sound of rolling waves.
Ask any local where to grab lunch, and they’ll direct you to Bribie Island Surf Club Bistro . Tuck into a fresh, local seafood platter, just metres from the beach.
4. D’Aguilar National Park
Admire the landscapes of D’Aguilar National Park.
D’Aguilar National Park is a 40,000-hectare slice of greenery that stretches from urban Brisbane right up to Woodford (home of the Woodford Folk Festival). The vast expanse of park is home to ancient rainforests, eucalypt forests and shaded swimming spots hidden within gorges and under waterfalls. The area is significant for the Jinibara and Turrbal people, with ceremonial bora rings and dreaming trails all found within the park.
Carve out some time in your itinerary to explore the park’s many trails. The Maiala day-use area is the perfect starting point for walks for all levels of ability.
5. Arcade Wine Bar
Sit down to a menu inspired by Italy.
Opposite the Redcliffe Jetty and down a laneway, you’ll find an unassuming wine bar. Venture inside and quickly fall in love with Arcade Wine Bar , one of the region’s most beloved local haunts.
Owners Danilo and Matt have a combined 50 years of sommelier experience, which they have poured into the menu, styling and wine list. More than just a hole-in-the-wall wine bar, Arcade Wine is an enoteca (a wine repository), whose walls are lined with bottles upon bottles of Italian wine varietals from every corner of Italy.
Settle in with a wine and work your way through the menu inspired by Danilo’s native Italy: traditional meatballs, their quick-to-sell-out terrine, or a selection of Italian cheeses, charcuterie and arancini.
6. Wamuran & Loop Rail Trail
Away from the ocean, tucked in the hinterland, is the Wamuran & Loop Rail Trail . Perfect for cyclists or walkers, the trail was built to showcase the history of the Caboolture to Kilcoy rail corridor (last operating in 1964) and makes for the perfect family day out. The trail runs for 10.5km and connects Wamuran and Caboolture via an accessible path.
Pass through former railroad, bridges and shaded bushland as you cut from A to B. Plus, visit in winter for a detour along the way to one of the many pick-your-own strawberry farms.
7. Farm Visits
Beaches, mountains and history make an enticing combination. But Moreton Bay also brings hinterland, family-friendly farms to the table. Trevena Glen is one of the area’s most loved, with bunnies, ponies, sheep, alpacas (and more) available to visit for the kids. For the adults, book a horse-riding session and be treated to a grazing platter as you watch the sun set over the mountains of D’Aguilar National Park.
At White Ridge Farm , find camels, putt-putt, train and tractor rides and all kinds of animals. The entire farm is paved, making it accessible for all.
8. Miss Sprinkles
Pick your scoop at Miss Sprinkles Gelato.
An ice cream at the beach is one of life’s most perfect pleasures. While in town, stop by Miss Sprinkles for the locals’ pick of homemade gelato on the Scarborough foreshore.
The gelato here is made the authentic Italian way and scooped up just across from the beach. Or, settle in at their kitschy pink wooden tables for traditional gelato in the sunshine. Aside from the homemade gelato, you’ll also find tarts, pies and even doggie gelato.
