Ok, so I am a guy but people tell me I am not too bad on the romance stakes. The wife says it’s a bit inconsistent – it’s not daily.
But I hate Valentines day. It’s more than just the rampant commercialisation – it’s the crap that carries on around it. Here are the three worst things that happen on the day.
Office Pissing Contest
The procession of flowers that arrive at reception for some lucky girl to come and collect is tedious and unhelpful to the office.
It’s almost like a scoreboard for women – the size of the bouquet is a measure of the women’s ability to garner the devotion of some guy.
Not only is it pathetic and in reality these issues are best between a couple, but it is not great for office morale.
It’s Unimaginative
Beyond the commercialisation, it’s a manifestation of the most unimaginative lazy effort in a relationship imaginable. Anyone who goes all out on Valenitines day is, to me, not worth being in a relationship with. They do not have the personal fortitude to act in any imaginative way. They are nothing but sheep.
It’s a Victory of Style over Substance
The public song and dance for Valentines day is often more about each member of the relationship proudly showing off at the water cooler the next day. Its meaningless in reality.
So, if you want to avoid all this my tip is – do something special on the 12th. You don’t have the cost of the marked up 14th, it beats everyone else to the punch and it is a surprise.
Oh, and some ideas?
Well I reckon a photo book is pretty darn special these days – organising digital photos is such a pain, that the photo book is a decent solution.
I recently did one for my mum and dad’s 50th wedding anniversary and it was cheap and relatively painless. I used Album Works.
If you go for the hotel deal make sure you get something onto like a theatre deal – Sofitel are the guys I reckon who do a grand job of the theatre/arts package.
Happy un-Valentine!
Quentin Long is the Co-Founder and Managing Director of Australian Traveller Media. Quentin is a sought-after travel media commentator. He is Australia’s most trusted source for travel news and insights, having held weekly radio segments across the country since 2006, and regularly appearing on Channel 9’s Today and A Current Affair programs from 2010. Don't ask him his favourite travel experience as that's like asking him to choose a favourite child. However he does say that Garma Festival is the one travel experience that changed him the most.
Slow down and find your rhythm on a Murray River journey through time and place.
Trust is a funny thing. It seems not that long ago that my mother was insisting on pouring the milk into my cereal bowl, because she didn’t trust me not to slosh it over the table, and yet here I am on the Murray River at Mildura in far north-west Victoria, being handed the keys to a very new and very expensive luxury houseboat.
After a crash course in how not to crash, I’m at the wheel of the good ship Elevate – pride of the All Seasons fleet – guiding her upstream past red-ochre cliffs as pelicans glide above the rippled river and kookaburras call from reedy banks. There’s a brief moment of breath-holding while I negotiate a hairpin turn around a jagged reef of skeletal, submerged gum trees, before a cheer rings out and calm descends as the timeless river unfurls in front of us.
The Murray River winding through Yarrawonga. (Image: Rob Blackburn)
Setting sail from Mildura
Home to a large number of bird species, including pelicans. (Image: The Precint Studios)
A journey along the Murray River is never less than magical, and launching from Mildura makes perfect sense. Up here the river is wide and largely empty, giving novice skippers like myself the confidence to nudge the 60-tonne houseboat up to the riverbank where we tie up for the night, without fear of shattering the glass elevator (the boat is fully wheelchair accessible) or spilling our Champagne.
My friends and I spend three days on the water, swimming and fishing, sitting around campfires onshore at night, and basking in air so warm you’d swear you were in the tropics. The simplicity of river life reveals an interesting dichotomy: we feel disconnected from the world but at the same time connected to Country, privileged to be part of something so ancient and special.
Stop one: Echuca
A historic 19th-century paddlesteamer cruises along the Murray River. (Image: Visit Victoria)
The six-hour drive from Melbourne to Mildura (or four hours and 20 minutes from Adelaide) is more than worth it, but you don’t have to travel that far to find fun on the river. Once Australia’s largest inland port, Echuca is the closest point on the Murray to Melbourne (two hours 45 minutes), and you’ll still find a plethora of paddlesteamers tethered to the historic timber wharf, a throwback to the thriving river trade days of the 19th century. The PS Adelaide, built in 1866 and the oldest wooden-hulled paddlesteamer operating in the world, departs daily for one-hour cruises, while a brand-new paddlesteamer, the PS Australian Star, is launching luxury seven-night voyages in December through APT Touring.
The town is also a hot food and wine destination. St Anne’s Winery at the historic Port of Echuca precinct has an incredibly photogenic cellar door, set inside an old carriage builders’ workshop on the wharf and filled with huge, 3000-litre port barrels. The Mill, meanwhile, is a cosy winter spot to sample regional produce as an open fire warms the red-brick walls of this former flour mill.
Stop two: Barmah National Park
Camping riverside in Barmah National Park, listed as a Ramsar site for its significant wetland values. (Image: Visit Victoria/Emily Godfrey)
Just half-an-hour upstream, Barmah National Park is flourishing, its river red gum landscape (the largest in the world) rebounding magnificently after the recent removal of more than 700 feral horses. The internationally significant Ramsar-listed wetland sits in the heart of Yorta Yorta Country, with Traditional Owners managing the environment in close partnership with Parks Victoria. Walkways weave through the forest, crossing creeks lined with rare or threatened plants, passing remnants of Yorta Yorta oven mounds and numerous scar trees, where the bark was removed to build canoes, containers or shields.
The Dharnya Centre (open weekdays until 3pm) is the cultural hub for the Yorta Yorta. Visitors can learn about the ecological significance of the Barmah Lakes on a 90-minute river cruise, led by a First Nations guide, or take a one-hour, guided cultural walking tour along the Yamyabuc Trail.
Stop three: Cobram
Yarrawonga Mulwala Golf Club Resort. (Image: Visit Victoria)
Continue east to Cobram to find the southern hemisphere’s largest inland beach. Swarming with sun-seekers in summer, the white sand of Thompson’s Beach is shaded by majestic river red gums and dotted with hundreds of beach umbrellas, as beachgoers launch all manner of water craft and set up stumps for beach cricket. But the beach is at its most captivating at sunset, when the crowds thin out, the glassy river mirrors the purple sky, and the canopies of the gum trees glow fiery orange.
The region is also home to some fine resorts and indulgent retreats. Yarrawonga Mulwala Golf Club Resort has two riverside championship golf courses, luxury apartments and self-contained villas. While not strictly on the Murray, the historic wine town of Rutherglen is rife with boutique (and unique) accommodation, including an exquisitely renovated red-brick tower in a French provincial-style castle at Mount Ophir Estate. Fans of fortified wines can unravel the mystery of Rutherglen’s ‘Muscat Mile’, meeting the vignerons and master-blenders whose artistry has put the town on the global map for this rich and complex wine style.
Stop four: Albury-Wodonga
First Nations Yindyamarra Sculpture Walk is part of the Wagirra Trail. (Image: Carmen Zammit)
Follow the river far enough upstream and you’ll arrive at the twin border cities of Albury-Wodonga. The Hume Highway thunders through, but serenity can be found along the five-kilometre Yindyamarra Sculpture Walk – part of the Wagirra Trail that meanders through river wetlands just west of Albury in Wiradjuri country. Fifteen sculptures by local First Nations artists line the trail, conveying stories of reconciliation, enduring connection to culture, local Milawa lore and traditional practices. It feels a long way from Mildura, and it is, but the pelicans and kookaburras remind us that it’s the same river, the great conduit that connects our country.
A traveller’s checklist
Staying there
New Mildura motel Kar-rama. (Image: Iain Bond Photo)
Kar-Rama is a brand-new boutique, retro-styled motel in Mildura, with a butterfly-shaped pool and a tropical, Palm Springs vibe. Echuca Holiday Homes has a range of high-end accommodation options, both on the riverfront and in town.
Playing there
Bruce Munro’s Trail of Lights in Mildura. (Image: Imogen Eveson)
Artist Bruce Munro’s Trail of Lights installation, comprising more than 12,000 illuminated ‘fireflies’, is currently lighting up Mildura’s Lock Island in the middle of the Murray. Murray Art Museum Albury (MAMA) is a hub for contemporary art, with a rotating roster of exhibitions, and is a major outlet for young and First Nations artists.
Eating there
Mildura’s diverse demographic means it’s a fantastic place to eat. Andy’s Kitchen is a local favourite, serving up delicious pan-Asian dishes and creative cocktails in a Balinese-style garden setting. Call in to Spoons Riverside in Swan Hill to enjoy locally sourced, seasonal produce in a tranquil setting overlooking the river.
