Ok, so I am a guy but people tell me I am not too bad on the romance stakes. The wife says it’s a bit inconsistent – it’s not daily.
But I hate Valentines day. It’s more than just the rampant commercialisation – it’s the crap that carries on around it. Here are the three worst things that happen on the day.
Office Pissing Contest
The procession of flowers that arrive at reception for some lucky girl to come and collect is tedious and unhelpful to the office.
It’s almost like a scoreboard for women – the size of the bouquet is a measure of the women’s ability to garner the devotion of some guy.
Not only is it pathetic and in reality these issues are best between a couple, but it is not great for office morale.
It’s Unimaginative
Beyond the commercialisation, it’s a manifestation of the most unimaginative lazy effort in a relationship imaginable. Anyone who goes all out on Valenitines day is, to me, not worth being in a relationship with. They do not have the personal fortitude to act in any imaginative way. They are nothing but sheep.
It’s a Victory of Style over Substance
The public song and dance for Valentines day is often more about each member of the relationship proudly showing off at the water cooler the next day. Its meaningless in reality.
So, if you want to avoid all this my tip is – do something special on the 12th. You don’t have the cost of the marked up 14th, it beats everyone else to the punch and it is a surprise.
Oh, and some ideas?
Well I reckon a photo book is pretty darn special these days – organising digital photos is such a pain, that the photo book is a decent solution.
I recently did one for my mum and dad’s 50th wedding anniversary and it was cheap and relatively painless. I used Album Works.
If you go for the hotel deal make sure you get something onto like a theatre deal – Sofitel are the guys I reckon who do a grand job of the theatre/arts package.
Happy un-Valentine!
Quentin Long is the Co-Founder and Managing Director of Australian Traveller Media. Quentin is a sought-after travel media commentator. He is Australia’s most trusted source for travel news and insights, having held weekly radio segments across the country since 2006, and regularly appearing on Channel 9’s Today and A Current Affair programs from 2010. Don't ask him his favourite travel experience as that's like asking him to choose a favourite child. However he does say that Garma Festival is the one travel experience that changed him the most.
This remote corner of Australia is one of the world’s last frontiers. This is how to see it properly.
Vast, rugged and deeply spiritual, the Kimberley coast in Australia’s North West feels a world away from everyday Australia – and there are countless ways to explore it. But if you want to reach ancient rock art, hidden gorges and lonely waterfalls, it has to be by boat. Whether you’re aboard a nimble expedition vessel or a luxury yacht with all the trimmings, exploring by the water brings exclusive experiences, shows unique views and makes travel easier than any other mode. And that’s just the beginning of Australia’s North West cruises.
Adventure starts where the road ends.
1. Discover Broome, and beyond
Explore your launchpad before you set sail: Broome. Here camels and their riders stride along the 22 kilometres of powdery Cable Beach at sunset. That’s just the start.
At Gantheaume Point, red pindan cliffs plunge into the turquoise sea, whose low tide uncovers fossilised dinosaur footprints. Broome’s pearling history runs deep. Japanese, Chinese, Malay and Aboriginal divers once worked these waters, and their legacy lives on in boutiques where South Sea pearls still shine.
If the moon’s right, you may catch the Staircase to the Moon over Roebuck Bay. Or simply kick back with a cold beverage and a film under the stars at Sun Pictures , screening since 1916.
Ride a camel along Cable Beach. (Image: Nick Dunn)
2. Unmatched access to The Kimberley
Once you’re onboard, expect a backstage pass to some of the most isolated places on Earth. No roads. No ports. No phone reception.
At Horizontal Falls/ Garaanngaddim, 10-metre tides surge through twin gorges like a natural waterpark ride that’ll make your palms sweat. Then there’s Montgomery Reef/ Yowjab: a giant living platform of coral and seagrass, where the sea pulls back to reveal waterfalls, sea turtles and ospreys.
Up north, King George Falls/ Oomari rage 80 metres down red cliffs. Zodiac boats often nudge in closer so you can feel the spray on your sun-warmed cheeks. You might even fly in to reach Mitchell Falls/ Punamii-unpuu, a four-tiered cascade where you can swim in freshwater pools above the drop.
Come spring, some itineraries veer west to Rowley Shoals: an atoll chain of white sand and reef walls. Then it’s up the winding Prince Regent River to King Cascade/ Maamboolbadda, tumbling over rock terraces, and into a Zodiac to view the Gwion Gwion rock art, whose slender, ochre-painted figures are older than the pyramids.
Get closer to the Kimberley than ever before.
3. Taste the Kimberley with onboard hospitality
You might spend your days clambering over slippery rocks or charging past waterfalls. But when you’re back on the water, it’s a different story. Meals are chef-prepared and regionally inspired: grilled barramundi, pearl meat sashimi, mango tarts, and bush tomato chutney. One night it’s barefoot beach barbecues with your shipmates; the next, alfresco dining on the ship.
Small expedition ships each have their own personality, but many carry just 12 to 36 guests, making being out on the water a whole other experience. You might sink into a spa on the foredeck or sip coffee in a lounge while watching crocodiles cruise by. It’s choose-your-own-relaxation, Kimberley style.
4. Expert-led excursions through the Kimberley
These voyages are led by people who know the Kimberley like the back of their sunburnt hand. Attenborough-esque naturalists might gently tap your shoulder to point out rare birds or tell the story beneath a slab of rock. Historians can explain exactly how that rusted World War II relic came to rest here.
If your ship has a helipad, you might chopper straight to a waterfall-fed swimming hole. If not, you’ll still be hopping ashore for that wet landing at a secret creek.
Then come the evenings: songlines shared by Traditional Owners under the stars, or astronomy sessions that link what’s overhead with what’s underfoot and what’s within.
Explore with naturalists and historians by your side.
5. Relax in luxurious lodgings
Just because you’re off-grid doesn’t mean you have to rough it. These Kimberley vessels are small in size, but mighty in luxury. True North’s ships come with their own helicopters and a no-sea-days policy, so you’re always in the thick of it. Try the luxurious offerings from Ocean Dream Charters for exploration in style. Kimberley Quest offers a fast boat for easy, off-ship adventures. On the larger end of the scale, Coral Expeditions has open-deck bars and curated wine cellars. And then there’s Ponant’s luxury yachts – sleek and incredibly stylish French sailing yachts.
See the Kimberley from sky to shore.
6. The adventure continues with pre- and post-cruise experiences
You’ve already come this far – so, why not go further? Broome makes it easy to ease in before you board, or wind down when your voyage ends, and there is no reason to stop there.
Head an hour and a half south to Eco Beach to stay off-grid and off the clock. Join a Yawuru guide for a mangrove walk or ocean forage. Dive even deeper into Broome’s pearling past at Willie Creek or Cygnet Bay, where divers and craftspeople still pull the seawater-slicked gems from the deep.
If you’re still craving adventure, it’s time to go further. Soar over the Buccaneer Archipelago, or detour inland with a 4WD trip along the Gibb River Road. Book a scenic flight over the Bungle Bungles. Or – because you never know when you’ll be back – do all three.
