Ok, so I am a guy but people tell me I am not too bad on the romance stakes. The wife says it’s a bit inconsistent – it’s not daily.
But I hate Valentines day. It’s more than just the rampant commercialisation – it’s the crap that carries on around it. Here are the three worst things that happen on the day.
Office Pissing Contest
The procession of flowers that arrive at reception for some lucky girl to come and collect is tedious and unhelpful to the office.
It’s almost like a scoreboard for women – the size of the bouquet is a measure of the women’s ability to garner the devotion of some guy.
Not only is it pathetic and in reality these issues are best between a couple, but it is not great for office morale.
It’s Unimaginative
Beyond the commercialisation, it’s a manifestation of the most unimaginative lazy effort in a relationship imaginable. Anyone who goes all out on Valenitines day is, to me, not worth being in a relationship with. They do not have the personal fortitude to act in any imaginative way. They are nothing but sheep.
It’s a Victory of Style over Substance
The public song and dance for Valentines day is often more about each member of the relationship proudly showing off at the water cooler the next day. Its meaningless in reality.
So, if you want to avoid all this my tip is – do something special on the 12th. You don’t have the cost of the marked up 14th, it beats everyone else to the punch and it is a surprise.
Oh, and some ideas?
Well I reckon a photo book is pretty darn special these days – organising digital photos is such a pain, that the photo book is a decent solution.
I recently did one for my mum and dad’s 50th wedding anniversary and it was cheap and relatively painless. I used Album Works.
If you go for the hotel deal make sure you get something onto like a theatre deal – Sofitel are the guys I reckon who do a grand job of the theatre/arts package.
Happy un-Valentine!
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Quentin Long is the Co-Founder and Managing Director of Australian Traveller Media. Quentin is a sought-after travel media commentator. He is Australia’s most trusted source for travel news and insights, having held weekly radio segments across the country since 2006, and regularly appearing on Channel 9’s Today and A Current Affair programs from 2010. Don't ask him his favourite travel experience as that's like asking him to choose a favourite child. However he does say that Garma Festival is the one travel experience that changed him the most.
Monarto Safari Resort’s new Safari Lodge delivers so much more than a memorable stay; it’s packed full of unforgettable moments.
Just a year after the 78-room Monarto Safari Resort opened, the new Safari Lodge brings a more intimate and exclusive overnight African safari experience to Australia just outside of Adelaide. But just how similar is it to an African safari?
Consider these pinch-me moments I had during my stay and decide for yourself.
1. Cheetah sightings at check-in
Spot cheetahs before you even check in.
Safari Lodge is set within the Wild Africa precinct of the expansive, open-range Monarto Safari Park. I expected to see animals, but I didn’t expect to see two cheetahs stalking the fenceline just behind my tent at check-in.
I cross the paddock to get a closer look. Both are now perched like a sphinx on a hill overlooking the 20 premium tents that make up Safari Lodge. I stand here, locked in place, waiting to see if they make a move. After 10 minutes like this, I turn to get settled into the tent but throw a final look in their direction; they’ve slinked back down, now barely visible in the grass. I’m sure I’ll be dreaming about this encounter later tonight.
2. Sipping champagne as a giraffe sips from a waterhole
Enjoy champagne while meeting the locals. (Credit: Katie Carlin)
The all-inclusive stay includes a 2.5-hour Sunset Safari that takes guests into the Wild Africa precinct onboard a purpose-built Safari Land Cruiser for a chance to see free-roaming herds of African animals up close.
The safari drive culminates in a champagne and canapé stop in a fenced and sheltered viewing area of the precinct. A chance to watch the sun set as animals gather around one of the many waterholes. And we’re in luck! Two giraffes are stripping leaves from a nearby tree as three white rhinos graze to my right. One giraffe starts galloping, in that funny head-bobbing way giraffes do, to the water’s edge. It splays its legs and bends its long neck down to start slurping up water. I find giraffes endlessly entertaining, and sipping champagne while watching the scene play out is the icing on the cake.
3. A rain shower with views of a waterhole where African animals gather
Enjoy views from the King Safari Tent.
I am staying in tent 17, one of the best positioned tents for animal encounters, due to its proximity to the waterhole. Not only does the spacious 71-square-metre King Safari Tent feature a king bed, lounge area, separate dressing room with kitchenette, coffee machine, kettle and fully stocked mini bar, and ensuite bathroom. But you can even glimpse the waterhole from the rain shower. It’s thoughtful details like this that keep you connected to the safari experience no matter where you are located.
4. Feeding lions from within a caged dome
Step into the Lion 360 experience. (Credit: Katie Carlin)
Monarto Safari Park isn’t a zoo. Set across 1500 hectares of South Australian bushland, it’s an expansive safari experience. It’s been designed to support complex social groupings, natural behaviours and long-term species management. Entry is included for guests, but I’ve decided to upgrade my experience with tickets to Lion 360.
Senior Keeper Rachel Hemming herds 15 of us into a domed cage for the unique lion feeding experience. She leads Monarto’s care and conservation breeding programs for their iconic big cats. “Make sure you don’t get too close to the edge of the cage; the lions like to mark their territory,” she warns.
She starts making cat-like calls to Kubwa, Kashka and Kito, the three male lions lazing somewhere out of sight behind the tree line in the distance. The promise of food eventually lures the lions over. I’m in awe of their size as they pace back and forth, pausing to take the meat as it’s fed to them via tongs.
In her excitement, one lady has inched too close; a lion takes aim and hits his mark before she realises her mistake. I see her leaving the gift shop with a new jacket not long after the tour ends.
5. A swim in a private plunge pool with a floating charcuterie board
Tuck into a poolside treat. (Credit: Katie Carlin)
The Safari Lodge reception is also home to a restaurant and bar, heated swimming pool and several private plunge pools available to book. After a morning spent at Monarto Safari Park, a dip in one of the private plunge pools sounds too good to skip.
I change into my swimmers and make my way to the lodge. A generous charcuterie board arrives shortly after I slip into the pool. I’m told floating trays are already on order, but picking at the selection of cheeses, meats, nuts and fruit while perched on the edge sipping champagne is just as indulgent as it is having it float in the water. I never make it to the gym or pickleball court beside the lodge, but I have no regrets.
6. A front-row seat to a male rhino rejected by two females
Watch a rhino’s unlucky day. (Credit: Lucas Alexander)
Louis Tonkin, our Wild Africa Tour host, is giddy with excitement when he spots the three white rhinos on our Sunset Safari drive. He has an inkling that we’re about to get a show.
He pulls to the side and tells us what terrible eyesight white rhinos have, struggling to spot a motionless animal or object even from a short distance. However, they make up for it with acute hearing and an incredible sense of smell. Which explains why the larger male rhino is methodically creeping towards the two disinterested females grazing metres in front of him, then suddenly freezing on the spot. He’s hoping one will be open to mating with him. He takes another wary shuffle forward and suddenly the smaller of the two turns and charges towards him, butting him hard with her head. It’s a firm no. The male, denied, sheepishly backs away.
7. Watching a dazzle of zebra from the comfort of a luxury safari tent
Wildlife encounters abound.
Rain clouds loom, and the wind is howling, but thankfully it hasn’t deterred the zebras. I’m brewing a cup of Monarto’s Serengé-T – a vanilla rooibos blended with Daintree black tea and butterfly pea flower when I spot them. Six zebras are prancing across the plains for a drink at the waterhole. I watch their antics from the deck of my King Safari Tent, wrapped in a merino blanket made by Australian-owned Grampians Good Co. and marvel at the fact I get a front-row show to these wild animals.
After they disappear from view, I sit with the sketch pad and pencils I find in the cupboard and start drawing some of my most memorable animal encounters from the weekend – starting with the two hippos I saw ravenously munching on grass at dusk as we made our way out of the Wild Africa precinct last night. This really is as close to an authentic safari experience as you can get outside of Africa.
